Happy Business
i'm dancing as fast as i can 💃
Drugs or no drugs, we can atrophy our brain in a myriad of ways. But we all do this one — the endless, meaningless, empty scroll of all things app. Pleasure overload. Easy escapism. Thinking that i’ve lost years of my life to these things makes my stomach churn. I’m looking for an alternative, a way to live life… purely? Void of noise and the magnetic pull of a phone.
Reading has been my respite.
We live in a time where there simply is no delay between desire and gratification. If you want it. You get it. Everyone is a genius. Hot and stylish. On the bleeding edge. We all know where Tom Petty is from.
I wonder. I wonder. I wonder… until our collective minds.. just.. stop.. working.
Blind nostalgia and yearning for the way it used to be is also boring. But I have perfected the art. Watch a bar scene from a movie made thirty years ago, any one will suffice — and life just seems more full, more alive. Sure. It’s a movie numb-nuts, I know. But suspend your disbelief with me for a second. Dancing, talking, fighting, meeting new people, having sex with a stranger, disagreeing about anything — ah, refreshing.
How can we begin to feel more. To feel again. To widen the gap between desire and pleasure. To remind ourselves of what it’s like to live in the pleasant discomfort of boredom, of not knowing. Comfortable with complacency. With not sharing our every thought. Wipe it clean. Become born again. I’m all ears.
I’m Dancing As Fast As I Can is Barbara Gordon’s journey to feel again. It’s a memoir of a person I had no previous exposure to — an Emmy award winning CBS documentary producer in the 70’s. We’ve really hit peak fringe haven’t we?
I am drawn to a downward spiral. Relieved by the hopeful redemption. This was a journey through hell, spurned by a doctor’s sage advice to quit her ten year valium addiction cold turkey. Not good advice.
The ensuing trip is a heavy, gorgeously written, vulnerable masterpiece. A surprising addition to my all time favorite memoir folder.
Like Barbara, we’re all dancing as fast as we can. Cha-cha’ing towards success, pleasure, forward progress, scrolling and liking our little lives away — burning up the fucking dance floor. But the desire to change, whatever behavior, is the inciting incident in the plot of your life. Never forget it.
**The film adaptation came out in 1982. I have yet to watch, so I am unable to vouch.
